Stress Haul

JULY 31, 2013

I found that when I'm stressed, I shop. So, today was my day off and I ran some errands as usual. One of those errands was an oil change at Walmart. Of course, that meant I would be walking around the store for about an hour... The nail polish rack for Sinful Colors caught my eye, and when I saw the price $1.98, I immediately decided that I was going to look for a nice color. I recently developed the urge to wear mint colors, so I knew I needed a pretty mint shade. Along with that, I found a nice pastel pink and vibrant gold. Excited!

I had more time so I kept walking around. I remembered I wanted to buy Maybelline's Stiletto eyeliner. Sadly, I couldn't find it. However, I found something similar. I tried it when I got home, and I loved it!

I went to the Rimmel London shelf thinking they might have a liquid eyeliner that would be cheaper. I didn't find one, but I did find a new lip gloss! I don't wear lip gloss as often as when I was younger, but lately, I've been wishing I had a lip gloss to put over my lipstick. So, I decided to get one. This one looks really frosty and shimmery. I was hoping for more of a sheen gloss, but I guess we can't have everything we want. I'll keep using it and hope that I get used to it :)

Finally, I got a new bottle of shampoo. This is actually the only one I needed to buy as far as beauty goes. I returned the Vidal Sassoon shampoo and conditioner that I bought because it made my hair sticky and weird. I hate it when my hair is unhappy. I like it nice and smooth. Anyway, I've been using Suave and I love it. Inexpensive and amazing. This is the newest one I'm trying. It smells great and it's volumizing! I'm excited :)

Have you tried any of these products? How do you like them?

More Stress

JULY 29, 2013

To think that I'm getting back to smiling again and enjoying my job is too much to ask for. Sadly, nothing's changed. One issue quiets down and another arises.

The guy who was reprimanded on my behalf isn't there anymore. Not sure if he was suspended or just gone for good. One less hazard to worry about.

The people chatting behind me also quieted down a little bit. There's still some, but not as bad as before. However, the ones a couple cubicles down started their own chatterbox. Every night, as soon as the designated lead for our row leaves for the day, the chatter starts and it never stops. There's still customers waiting to be assisted and all I hear is blah blah blah. We're not in freaking high school! This isn't a fucking class where you can just decide to slack off and socialize! How can these people still be working when clearly they're not a good fit for the job? What happened to the quality of employees rather than the quantity? They don't deserve to be there. They don't even work enough to earn their pay!

I'm just so frustrated, I just want to leave. But as a reasonable person, I don't want to leave just because it's getting too difficult to deal with, not only my customers, but my coworkers as well. The end of August can't get here fast enough for me to know whether I'm getting promoted before then, or I'm leaving and finding a new job. I don't want to deal with any more stress. My face has more frown lines nowadays than laugh lines. It's absolutely unacceptable. I have a freaking degree and I deserve more than this. I deserve to be in a better environment where I enjoy my job and the people around me inspire each other to work harder, instead of irritating the hell out of each other because they're so damn lazy.

Los Angeles Spotlight: Venice Beach

JULY 28, 2013

Today was so much fun! Me and my friends went to Summerfest and we really enjoyed it! My feet are hurting so much, but it was worth it! Check out the photos we took!

Assertiveness

JULY 25, 2013

If you've been reading this blog, you know how stressed out I've been for the past week or two. Today was the first real day that I've felt the weight lifted off my shoulder. Let's start with what I did last night.

I finally decided that I will talk to the Customer Service Manager. He's the second highest boss in the department. I jotted down ideas so that I can present them to him and make it seem that I really thought about them.

This afternoon, while I was on my way to work, I was thinking of key words I would say to him when I finally get to have a meeting with him. He seemed to be very busy, so I decided to just email him and let him know that I wanted to meet. Long story short, I was able to speak with him today...and it was very successful!

I was so proud and happy that we were able to agree on my ideas, and get this! Two out of three ideas were already in place (brilliant minds think alike), and then I just threw a last minute fourth idea. It looks like he was definitely considering that last one. I used the word "Excited" to drive my point home. The bottom line was that I expressed my passion for the company and showed him that I genuinely care for the success of everyone, both employees and customers alike.

The rest of the day, I've felt great and I was able to help the customers and give them the kind of attention that they deserved. What I was also proud of was the fact that I finally put it out to the universe that I have goals and that I want to achieve them sometime in the near future. As a result? My manager forwarded me an internal job posting! I've finished the cover letter tonight and I'm just letting it sit on my computer for a bit longer while I write this blog. I'm confident I did a great job writing it.

Whether I get the job or not, at least the boss knows that I am interested in vertical advancement and that I am willing to take on more responsibility if given the opportunity.

Today taught me that if you want something, you have to go and chase it. Yes, it's scary. Yes, you might fail. But if you never try, you'll never know, and you'll never get noticed. Be assertive, and you'll achieve your goal in due time.

Good night everyone!

Best Wishes

Stalker Status.

I just found out my ex finally got married ten days ago. How do I feel about it? I'm not quite sure. I'm in such a vulnerable state right now, anything could set me off. I'm happy for him though. I'm glad he's settled down with someone he loves. I'm glad he found the one that will make him happy.

As for me? I'll keep on living and following my dreams. You know what's weird, though? Five days before his wedding, he had a dream about me. I mean, that's crazy, right? And then, four days after his wedding, I had a dream about him... Oh well, they're just random memories our minds make of each other.

I'm glad he's happy... I hope they live happily ever after...

Cloud Over Sunshine

JULY 22, 2013

I went into work today feeling very defensive. I had such a thick wall around me, I felt like I was isolated and alone among a crowd. I did my job while I froze my heart. I spoke to my customers completely detached. Feeling nothing was a little bit refreshing. When I stopped caring, I stopped hurting. I also kept hoping and praying that the customers will be tolerable and decent so that I won't go over the deep end again. Thank the Lord for making that happen.

Being numb, however, showed on my physical being. I was sitting in a corner when the IT guy said hello. I greeted him back, but a smile didn't reach my lips nor my eyes. He pointed out how my light has dimmed. I was usually perky and bubbly and happy. I usually smiled at everyone and had an air of happiness around me....but not today. I was dressed in mostly dark colors and my face had a hard look pasted on it. A smile was a gesture that didn't exist in my mind. #Sad

I have ambitions and I have goals. I received another award at work today, but the satisfaction that I used to feel didn't come. I looked at it as if it was just a blank piece of paper. I looked at it as if it was a piece of crap. The light has dimmed. I'm afraid to bring it back because someone might try to put a shadow on it again. When I'm happy, I'm also vulnerable. I've been so emotional the past few days that I don't think I can handle another blow. I'm scared. I'm worried.

I feel lost.


Facebook Status: When you dress like a boss, the world will think twice before messing with you. ‪#‎RockstarMode‬ ‪#‎Hope‬ ‪#‎Faith‬ ‪#‎Optimism‬

Emotionally Unstable

JULY 19, 2013

Almost had another breakdown at work today. I thought I was having a good day - finally - but then one jerk of a customer made me feel like lashing out and just letting all of my frustrations out. I'm getting a little teary just writing this post.

I'm just so tired right now, I feel like I just need to take a break. But I'm also scared - scared that I'd lose my job because I can't handle the pressure. Is that really what it is though? Am I not able to handle the pressure? Or is it the fact that I've been working 6 days a week for the past 3-4 weeks? I need the money to pay my debt from all the shopping that I do, but at the same time, is it worth sacrificing my sanity? I feel like I'm on the edge, ready to just explode.

It's not even that I'm hurting. It's that I'm so frustrated and stressed out that my body has to somehow find an outlet. I guess my body's way of coping is by shutting down.

Tears of Stress

JULY 18, 2013

Stress + Waist Cincher = Bucket of Tears

I had my second breakdown at work. I was so stressed out and I just couldn't take it anymore. I spoke to my supervisor Brandon and asked him if it was okay to do emails because I wasn't about to request to be sent home. No matter how bad I felt, I had a job to do and I enjoyed my job for the most part. He sensed that it was something serious, so he led me to the office and asked me what was going on.

I was basically extremely stressed out because people behind me were mostly chatting away the workday while literally hundreds of customers are waiting on hold for 45 minutes for their turn to be assisted. There I was trying my best to focus and help as many customers as I could, but the stress of the situation finally got to me. I've been harboring it for the past week and my plate just exploded today. I was quite a mess. Thank God for makeup.

I guess I need to try harder to focus on my job and being the best temp employee I can be. But sometimes, even the best resolve can be broken down, and today was that day. A person can only take so much while trying to bottle it up inside.

Another supervisor pulled me aside a few hours later to talk to me about the situation again. He told me that I am free to go straight to the higher ups if it's something that is a great concern in my opinion. We do have an open-door policy, so I am allowed to do just that. I just don't want it to reach that point. I don't want to be starting drama at work. I already got someone reprimanded for sexual harassment, I wasn't about to add to that list. I don't want to be the employee that gets people in trouble - even if they fully deserve it.

*sigh* Anyway. I was able to talk to my roommate about it for a little bit, and another co-worker for a little bit. This would be the time when I would wish I had a partner to confide in. Oh well, I'm fine by myself. Less to worry about. Seriously, I need to start getting some more metaphorical sunshine soon. Otherwise, I'd end up with premature wrinkles! Yikes!

Shopping: Cali Girl + Ross

JULY 17, 2013

So...I went shopping...again...

I'm in so much debt by now, but new things just give you that high, you know? Anyway, let's see what I got.

Cali Girl - local fashion store where I live.
I was looking for a white tee for "Top Model" day on Friday at work. I finally found one, but I also found something else. Something incredibly beautiful.

I tried to buy new shoes to match this dress. I found a couple cute ones, but they didn't work for me. I need strapped heels and the ones I found had no straps :( Anyway, I ended up at Ross. I was walking around waiting for my friend when I found this beautiful journal... I couldn't help myself =/

Let's hope I can write something beautiful in this journal. What would YOU write?

Raining in my Dreams

JUNE 16, 2013

My body likes to wake up at 7am each morning, and then I go back to sleep for a couple more hours. This is when I have my most vivid dreams. This morning, I had a dream about my ex. Of course, I'm not going to tell him that I had a dream about him. I know better than to start something I don't want to finish.

Anyway, the dream was that we were in some kind of competition together. Our relationship was close. Along the dream, I had a nagging feeling that I needed to tell him something. So, I asked him to come outside with me so we can talk. As soon as we stepped outside, it started raining. According to the dream dictionary, rain symbolizes cleansing among other things.

So, we decided to stay at a balcony and talk. He was fiddling with a folder with loose papers so I took it and put it aside so he can focus on what I had to say. I was brave at first, but of course, finally telling him was more of a challenge. I told him that I don't want to be the person who breaks up an engagement. In the dream, he said something about notifying someone about something. I took it as a notification of breaking an arrangement from some kind of government facility. I emphasized that I didn't want to be the person to be the cause of a breakup. No one deserves that, especially his fiance.

Just when he was about to say something, in the real world, I moved my arm, therefore, breaking the spell. How convenient. Now I'll never know what his phantom had to say. Oh well. We win some, we lose some. No big deal.

I just had to write about it, so here it is... Hope you enjoyed reading it!

P.S. Just for laughs, this is one of the paragraphs from the dream dictionary:
To dream that your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is missing you suggests that you "miss" some aspect of that past relationship. A situation in your current life may be reminding you of your relationship with your ex. Alternatively, the dream may mean that you have moved on with your life. The notion that your ex is missing you may be a pun on that he has "missed" his opportunity or "missed" his chance with you.

Heart in Pieces

JUNE 15, 2013



It sucks when people you don't even know say mean things to you, thinking it was just a silly joke. It's not a joke anymore when it hits a nerve.

Some guy from work told me I had no heart. Who was he to say that? He had no right. I may make self-deprecating jokes, but that's not an indication that anyone is free to insult me. Sometimes I make jokes to make light of things. Jokes have the slightest truth in them, after all. But telling me I have no heart while claiming he has such a big heart? That's way out of line.





"Some guy thought I had no heart so he did his best to hurt me. What little heart I had broke into tiny pieces. So I decided to rebuild it with stones. This way, it won't be broken easily next time..."












On the other hand, I received this beautiful book. It is a free advanced copy of the second book from an amazing author. I love the men in my books because even though they break my heart, at least they do it in style.

Too Faced & Essie Haul

JUNE 14, 2013

Hi everyone!

I visited my family today, and of course, it turned into yet another shopping trip! This time, we went to the military base. I loved it there! There was no tax and the prices were discounted! Who could say no to discounted beauty products?!!! I originally planned to buy a white shirt for spirit week at work, but I didn't like the ones I found and just ended up buying makeup. *sigh* I know... Anyway, check them out!

Too Faced Primed and Poreless
   I really wanted to try this primer. I'm hoping that it really will make my skin look poreless and control the oil! It's humid where I live and my face melts within a few minutes of finishing my makeup! That is incredibly annoying and a waste of time, don't you think?

Too Faced La Creme Lipstick in Coral Fire

      Since I was in the neighborhood, I had an impulse buy of this lipstick. It is such a pretty color! I love the shade and it's creamy! I can't wait to try it tomorrow!

Essie Trophy Wife

      This was another impulse buy. I almost bought two colors, but I held back. My aunt was wearing teal nail polish and I thought, hey, maybe I should get one, too, and add it to my collection. It will be the next one I will be wearing. I already tried it on my ring finger and it's gorgeous!