Counting...

Three years ago, I felt pain I didn't know I could survive. Three years ago, someone broke my heart. Three years ago, I lost my way, and I didn't know if I could find my way back to myself...

Three months ago, I started following my dreams, and I was terrified. Three months ago, I was dead inside. Three months ago, I met someone, and my heart reawakened.

Three words of advice: Just Let Go.
Three words of reponse: Not yet, please.

One question: Why?

Five years ago, I thought I fell in love...for the first time. It was the greatest feeling to have someone care about me. You see, I didn't grew up with a lot of affection. I grew up with practically a servant, and absent parents. "Love" wasn't a constant gift as a child. When someone finally presented me the one gift I've yearned for, I grasped it tight and never wanted to let go. I held on too tight, the gift threatened to burst. I spiraled south, I fell deep and hard. Then, I hit bottom. The impact was devastating. I fell apart.

Today, I've accomplished many things. I graduated from college, I've made my family proud through a variety of performances that they've missed. I've chased after my dreams, even after the most important person in my life told me I was wasting my time. I silenced the doubts and pushed through, not knowing where I'll end up, or how many times I'll fail. In the middle of all that, I've finally found someone that makes me feel...ALIVE.

One-sided. Blind-sided.
Numbness. Indifference.

It's pointless. It's probably a waste of time. Really, is it? For three years, or maybe most of my life, all I've felt was anger or nothingness. Now I'm able to FEEL something more. Admiration, longing, HAPPINESS. Why would anyone want to take that away from me? It will end someday. It won't last. Of course not. I ALREADY KNOW THAT. A moment of excitement, a moment of joy. I deserve it...even just for a little while. Let me enjoy my daydream before I wake up. Delay the inevitable, just for a little longer... Please...