I went into work today feeling very defensive. I had such a thick wall around me, I felt like I was isolated and alone among a crowd. I did my job while I froze my heart. I spoke to my customers completely detached. Feeling nothing was a little bit refreshing. When I stopped caring, I stopped hurting. I also kept hoping and praying that the customers will be tolerable and decent so that I won't go over the deep end again. Thank the Lord for making that happen.
Being numb, however, showed on my physical being. I was sitting in a corner when the IT guy said hello. I greeted him back, but a smile didn't reach my lips nor my eyes. He pointed out how my light has dimmed. I was usually perky and bubbly and happy. I usually smiled at everyone and had an air of happiness around me....but not today. I was dressed in mostly dark colors and my face had a hard look pasted on it. A smile was a gesture that didn't exist in my mind. #Sad
I have ambitions and I have goals. I received another award at work today, but the satisfaction that I used to feel didn't come. I looked at it as if it was just a blank piece of paper. I looked at it as if it was a piece of crap. The light has dimmed. I'm afraid to bring it back because someone might try to put a shadow on it again. When I'm happy, I'm also vulnerable. I've been so emotional the past few days that I don't think I can handle another blow. I'm scared. I'm worried.
I feel lost.
Facebook Status: When you dress like a boss, the world will think twice before messing with you. #RockstarMode #Hope #Faith #Optimism
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